Avoid This “Why” to Build Mental Toughness
I was a good athlete when I was young.
But I changed…
I’m not sure exactly when it happened, maybe I lost a race, had an error in the field, or struck out. But, I started to think way too much, and I would get in my own way. I also became impatient.
No-one could really ever help me either, which is one reason why I became a Sport Psychology coach. I was stuck, frustrated, didn’t know how to work hard, and had off the field issues that caused emotional pain.
I slacked, and people got better than me.
I drank, and people got better than me.
I partied, and people got better than me.
Then, it was all over.
Falling off a cliff will do that.
I was never in touch with my passion until after my playing days were over.
After college, my reasons became to prove something to myself. It was to prove to myself that although I squandered younger years, I wasn’t going to quit. If you ever get a second chance at life, you’ve got to go all the way. Motivation is the foundation of the hierarchy of mental toughness.
So, I ran marathons, Completed Ironmans, broke a 20-minute 5k, benched pressed 300 lbs, made a hole-in-one, completed a toughmudder, swam under 1:00 in the 100 freestyle, and ran 100-mile trail races.
I’ve heard most elite performers “why’s.”
- “Prove people wrong, Because I love it, Be a role model, it’s fun, Be outside, Escape from life, Be fit, Being in the moment, The feeling of the actual movement, Competitiveness, To beat others, Make my parents proud, Winning.”
I think some are stronger than others and I am not sure which WHY is the BEST.
I do believe however that we need to avoid this why to build Mental Toughness. This “why” is toxic, malicious, and contagious. If we don’t recognize and treat it, it becomes necrotic to our entire self.
Avoid this “why” to increase your mental toughness which is:
I’m GOOD at it.
The path toward greatness at any level is difficult. But, our best changes as we get better and tenacity becomes more important than talent.
Those people with a why of I’m good, simply can’t achieve their full potential. Being good does have a level of confidence with it.
However, if the main WHY is being GOOD at something, but do not have a deeper passion, then at some point, they become trapped.
At some point, EVERYONE is good!
Most people that are GOOD, have their identity, future, and sometimes career so wrapped up in their performance, that they can’t quit. Burnout in any performance field has a why to build mental toughness of I’m GOOD at it.
Quitting would bring severe consequences. So, they stay in performance mode without a “why” and the disease takes hold. It’s better to have these mental toughness skills instead!
When trapped, they resent their sport or job, can’t work hard, frustrate their peers and coaches, and since they can’t quit, they find other ways to cope that make them feel better. The better performer that they are, the more trapped and frustrated they may feel.
If you’re going to be GOOD at something, but not love it, be good at math or science, not performance.
3 Tips to Help Develop Your “Why”
-
Develop your why as your talent develops, before it’s too late.
-
Re-adjust and re-focus your why as you progress in life.
Our “why” changes over time. I knew athletes who were so driven to prove people wrong, (which is a powerful motivator) but after they had success, it became an “okay, now what” moment? They had to re-discover their own why. Hence, it’s best to prove yourself right!
Your own “why” a few years ago may not be your why today. Being in touch with your “Why” is how you build mental toughness.
-
Stay in touch with your why. If you know your why, you can come-up with any “how.”
Dr. Rob Bell is a Sport Psychology Coach. DRB & associates coach executives and professional athletes. Some clients have included three different winners on the PGA Tour, Indy Eleven, University of Notre Dame, Marriott, and Walgreens.
- Check Out All The Books
- Keynote Speaking On Mental Toughness
- Mental Toughness Podcast as we interview expert athletes and coaches about Mental Strength and their Hinge Moment.
- New Mental Wellness Blog Posts are published weekly.
- Follow on Twitter @drrobbell
- Follow on Instagram @drrobbell
