Have you ever played the game— I love you more? Choose from the following three choices, which relationship most describes you.

1) Your partner loves you more than you love him or her.

Or

2) You love your partner more then he/she loves you.

Or

3) You love each other equally, but it’s boring.

Now, if you did not pick an answer that says something as well. But, the question, if answered honestly, tells us more about our sense of control, more so than our actual relationship status.

If we pick answer #1, we want to be loved MORE than our loving the other person. It means we value control. The person we are closest too physically, emotionally, and spiritually, we still want just the slightest bit of control.

If we picked answer #2, we sacrifice control over the relationship, knowing what ultimate love really feels like. It involves complete trust, because we believe that our emotional needs will still be met, and it means we are willing to be vulnerable. We are completely exposed, and if your heart has ever been broken and you can honestly pick #2, you’re stronger than you think.

If answer #3 was your choice, you either weren’t honest or you are really boring. Maybe that’s a good thing. It means you avoid all or nothing thinking! The older I’ve gotten, the more I actually take this choice.

We confuse and spend too much time on the things we can influence, rather then focusing only on the things within our control. The only things inside of our complete control are our attitude, preparation, and our hustle. We control the door, not The Hinge.

Dr. Rob Bell is a Sport Psychology Coach. His company DRB & associates is based in Indianapolis.  Some clients have included: University of Notre Dame, Marriott, and Walgreens. Check out the most recent book on Mental Toughness- Don’t Should on Your Kids: Build Their Mental Toughness