Two Mental Toughness Skills that NO ONE Talks About
I was stubborn, errr, iron-willed growing up. In high-school, I REFUSED to take some typing class, because why would I ever need to type that fast? And as a result of NOT taking it, I still suck at typing.
I am a pecker! I actually only use my two index fingers to type. And It has become a laughing joke if others who know my work see me typing.
I’ve written 8 books, a dissertation, thesis and a weekly mental toughness newsletter using this method. I’m reminded about my shortcoming when I see others doing it so effortlessly. I look at great one’s like a pauper views an aristocrat.
Here’s the rub: my typing is effective, it is just not efficient.
Typing is not one of the two mental toughness skills I’m talking about. Because being stubborn by itself is wasteful!
Check out our infographic of how the hierarchy of Mental Toughness works!
1) Stubborn
I like it when my athletes have stubborn traits because it shows that they have the capability for belief in themselves.
Stubbornness can cause people to not overly-question their ability or skills. Stubborn people question the answers and other’s suggestions. That’s the strong side of stubbornness.
However, stubborn people are also the most difficult people to work with and coach. A stubborn person alone by themselves is in poor company.
They often like to argue just for the sake of arguing. Stubborn people are rarely wrong, which means if you would just do things the way they wanted, all would be great.
The toughest part is that they just REFUSE to change. Sure, they may dabble in the realm of improvement but they revert right back to their old ways under pressure or duress.
Stubborn is one of the two mental toughness skills, but by itself can easily fade into insanity, doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.
Stubbornness MUST be balanced with being coachable. Only then, can the magic happen.
2) Coachable
I first met coach Chuck Pagano at the NFL combine. After introducing myself, the next thing out of his mouth was a question; he asked, “what do you emphasize with your athletes?”
I had my answer and we chatted about it. I think it was a good answer, I’m not sure.
But, here is an NFL coach and he asked ME a question? I doubt Bill Parcells would have done that. So, here was my conclusion: he was just trying to get 1% better.
An easy tell if someone is coachable is the number of questions they ask. A coach’s favorite words to hear are “Can you watch this and let me know what you think?”
“How’s that working for you?” That’s the question I need to answer.
If you have a stubborn athlete or employee, but they remain coachable, you’ve got a winner. It means that they are open to change and willing to receive feedback.
Stubborn and coachable are two mental toughness skills.
We call it having a “coachable stubbornness.”
If you have someone is stubborn but uncoachable, the solution is to emphasize the relationship and construct the trust. You have to get creative with the stubbornness and ensure they are the ones who came up with the idea.
The walls of uncoachability often come slowly down the more he/she knows that you care about THEM and not just their PERFORMANCE.
Dr. Rob Bell is a Sport Psychology Coach. DRB & associates coach executives and professional athletes. Some clients have included three different winners on the PGA Tour, Indy Eleven, University of Notre Dame, Marriott, and Walgreens.
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