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best sport parents

BEST SPORTS PARENTS: 6 ways you’re doing it wrong…

best sports parents

I love my kids more than anything. So, I get it, how they perform is important to me. But their performance is not a reflection of my parenting, just a shadow.

The most important element of youth sports is passion- a love for their sport! Each of the following recommendations is related to nurturing their own passion.

Remember, sport teaches whatever we want it to teach…

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Here are 6 ways that the best sports parents are doing it wrong.

1. Wanting it more than them- We get calls every single week from sports parents wanting our mental coaching for their son/daughter. I have to screen each parent, and one question I ask them, “Is this something your child wants?”  Whatever the situation they have to want it, period.  No matter the sport, the best athletes have that passion.

They don’t have to be asked to work at it or practice, because they love it. 

2. Not allowing them to fail- Losing hurts and it should hurt. The pain eventually subsides, but if we remove the failure, setbacks, and allowing them ownership of their mistakes than we actually cheapen the joy of winning. How can we truly appreciate winning and improvement if we have never lost?

The safety net for children has become dangerously close to actually touching them.

They know mom or dad (sports parents) will take care of it… Example: “I forgot my glove, my Gatorade, jersey, goggles, putter, etc, Mom and dad will pick it up for me.”

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3. Traveling too early- It’s the gateway drug to specialization. 

Anything before middle school is too early. A few travel tournaments or matches here and there is great, its fun! But even for young kids, the trips have become every single weekend.

Here’s the danger, it becomes expensive and once they start traveling, it’s too easy to buy the idea that they now have to pick a sport and stay with it.

Specialization isn’t all that either because the specific movements with different sports actually transfer.

Jumping, running, throwing, all transfer across sports! Playing a variety of sports achieves that goal of skill development.

Plus, each sport offers a unique advantage, competitiveness. When they learn to compete in many different sports, they will eventually transfer that skill of competitiveness to their favorite!

Ultimate Sports Parents Guide: How To Have a Great Athlete in 2022

 4. Not emphasize & reward effort- Effort is everything. But even as the best sports parents go, we forget that. If we only emphasize the outcome, athletes will learn and internalize “all that matters is winning.”  

Players that are good will win early and often, until they no longer win. If parents only emphasize rankings, final scores, and talent, then taking risks, addressing weaknesses, and competing become afterthoughts.

At some point, they are no longer the best, and they can become stuck in limbo between past expectations and low confidence.

Question for the best sports parents: shouldn’t the best 12-year old in the nation almost always be one the best 18-year olds?

Rarely happens because winning and outward appearance was ONLY rewarded instead.

5. Blame coach, system, or refs- I was sitting next to a parent of a future DI basketball player whose brother had made it to the NBA. This sport parent was miserable and every single play or refs call that did not go his son’s way, was heard by everyone including his son. I cried on the inside (sort of), because there is no way that this kid was happy either.

A little league coach once told me when he knew parents were talking about him because the kids would no longer look him in the eye. Sad…

It’s about progress not perfection.

It’s not your role to call or blame coach about playing time, change coaches or schools, or get a lesson every time they play bad. 

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6. Over-communicating with them– There are good opportunities to talk about their performance and not good ones.

During the game is NOT the appropriate time. However, all the time, parents are communicating with their son/daughter. Body language doesn’t talk, it screams, and they can see your negative behavior. Also, the stands can be packed with hundreds or thousands of screaming people, and the ONE voice they will recognize is yours! Why are you trying to coach them during their performance? 

I get it, no one has an ugly child, but if he/she becomes great, then they will get noticed. Really want to be among the best sports parents? Just tell them, “I love watching you play and pick out what they did well!” 

 

dr rob bell speakerDr. Rob Bell is a Sport Psychology Coach. DRB & associates coach executives and professional athletes. Some clients have included three different winners on the PGA Tour, Indy Eleven, University of Notre Dame, Marriott, and Walgreens. 


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{Infographic} 11 tested ways to get out of your comfort zone

Everything we want in life is on the other side of our comfort zone. Building mental toughness means being comfortable getting uncomfortable.

Dr. Rob Bell is a Sport Psychology Coach. His company DRB & associates is based in Indianapolis.  Some clients have included: University of Notre Dame, Marriott, and Walgreens. Check out the most recent book on Mental Toughness- Don’t Should on Your Kids: Build Their Mental Toughness   

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re-ignite your confidence

6 quick videos that will re-ignite your confidence…

Isn’t it interesting how things seem to get better when it’s going well, and yet worse when things are going bad?

6 quick videos that will re-ignite your confidence…

What if we can break the cycle of negativity?

I hate losing confidence, but it happens from time to time. However, too often I meet successful people that simply don’t have the inner self-belief in themselves. We can’t afford to lose confidence!  It’s NOT about motivation, it’s about belief.

Nothing can stop an inspired person whose time has come! It’s about becoming something greater!

Confidence is contagious…

Watching others have success automatically builds belief in ourselves. If strengthens the belief that “Hey, if they can do it, so can I.”  CLICK ON THE IMAGES TO PLAY
Arnold Schwarzenegger~ “Who do you want to become, not what, but who?” 
Will Smith~ “You don’t set out to build a wall, You say  ‘I’m going to lay this brick.’ “ 

Billy Mills ~ Every Passion Has It’s Destiny! BEST ATHLETIC PERFORMANCE OF ALL-TIME. 

Susan Boyle- “I Dreamed a Dream!” Watch to the laughter turn to tears…

Capt. Sully~ “It was the worst pit of your stomach feeling”   Miracle on The Hudson

We trust these 6 videos can re-ignite your confidence and belief. Remember, we need to marinate our mind with mental toughness! #pukeandrally 

 

dr rob bell speakerDr. Rob Bell is a Sport Psychology Coach. DRB & associates coach executives and professional athletes. Some clients have included three different winners on the PGA Tour, Indy Eleven, University of Notre Dame, Marriott, and Walgreens. 

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Why I hate koala bears (and you should too)

hate koala bears

Why I Hate Koala Bears

It’s awful what has happened in Australia and with the fires. I needed to fix this blog post, because I wish NO-ill will on any animal!

However, I hate things that aren’t what they appear to be. It’s why I can’t stand politics. Nothing is what they make it out to be.  

I am a wash and wear kind of guy.

I’ve had a few famous idols in my life and was unlucky enough to meet them all. They never lived up to my expectations.

I still get caught up in appearances as much as anyone.

It bothers me when I encounter athletes that look like a demigod, but don’t have mental toughness. They may be the fastest on the field, but lack that all-important “it” factor.  George Foreman once stated, “ Big guys have everything, except motivation.”

Koala bears fit the mold of not what they appear to be.  I thought they were cute until I pulled back the curtain and exposed the wizard.

  1. First of all, they aren’t even bears, they are marsupials.
  2. Koala’s sleep over 20 hours in the day. They are lazy! Anyone actually see them moving around in a zoo?
  3. Over 90% of Koala’s have chlamydia! Gross to even think about, but it’s also the biggest control to their population.
  4. Koalas are incontinent, they are constantly peeing all over themselves, probably while they sleep too.  It can’t be a pleasant smell.
  5. As if you need one more reason,  babies feed on their mother’s “pap,” that’s short for poop I think. The babies actually eat their mother’s diarrhea. (Sorry I had to mention it.)
  6. They also try and steal some of the shine from Panda bears, and Panda’s are awesome! 

Rats, on the other hand, are NOT cute, but they are tough. Sure, they spread the plague, but you know what you’ll get with a rat. I’ll take a rat any day of the week. Rats also get a bad rap as snitches. Odd moniker, but it stuck. If I had a college mascot, I would actually name them the Rats.

  1. Rats are an animal that can tread water for over 24 hours.
  2. They can chew through lead pipes and cinder blocks and run on telephone wires.
  3. They carry around a tail the length of their body and can still fit through almost any size hole.
  4. They can run up to 24 mph. That’s fast!
  5. 95% of the animals tested in laboratories are rats and the one mammal that could survive a nuclear explosion.

Rats even have one of the best kids movies of all-time, Ratatouille.  Koala bears don’t have that.

Dr. Rob Bell is a Sport Psychology Coach. His company DRB & associates is based in Indianapolis.  Some clients have included: University of Notre Dame, Marriott, and Walgreens. Check out our most recent books on Mental Toughness- 

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How To End Practice To Build A Better Team

How To End Practice

                                      How to End Practice To Build A Better Team 

My wife questioned my strategy for leaving any social get togethers.

I never said goodbye at any party or wedding.

I always left exactly the same way. I would just duck out the door.  No goodbye. Like ripping off a band-aid.

I hated giving the formal goodbye, because people never let you leave without some sort of guilt play or long-drawn out “I meant to tell you” story. 

It’s probably how most people do it today in real life. No two-weeks notice, no official break-up, and especially not face to face.

Just a text.

So, in order to build a better team– Here’s how to end on a positive note.  

My daughter hated it at first that I’ve implemented the principle of how we end everything. But, she gets it now.

We Thank The Coach! 

Coaches and mentors are the most important person in our lives. Everyone needs a coach!

Coaches Mark James and Brain Satterfield know how to end practice.  They do it the same way, they shake each player’s hand. Nowadays, hopefully, we can still fist bump! 

It’s simple, yet powerful.

NO matter the type of practice or outcome of game, the ending is always the same. It was created as a way to put any type of closure to a good or poor day, a way to END it positive. 

Players even started looking forward to it.

The worst punishment a coach could probably ever deliver is telling one of their players, “I don’t want to see you after practice.” But, without being deliberate with how to end practice, we run the risk of doing just that, not seeing them. 

A positive ending is essential because we can’t know the last time we are ever going to see someone.

Travis Smith played golf at Ball State and I distinctly remember seeing him at practice before I left for Nashville. I don’t recall saying goodbye… He died in a car accident. There’s no amount of money his parents or coach wouldn’t have given to spend just a few more moments with him. 

Money isn’t the most precious resource, its time.

Make sure you know how to end practice on a positive note. One of the best ways is to end everything with a handshake and a thank you.

 

dr rob bell speakerDr. Rob Bell is a Sport Psychology Coach. DRB & associates coach executives and professional athletes. Some clients have included three different winners on the PGA Tour, Indy Eleven, University of Notre Dame, Marriott, and Walgreens. 

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Top Mental Toughness Quotes

Don’t question your Mental Toughness

don’t question your mental toughness

Don’t Question Your Mental Toughness

There is “no question” about it. 

Did this cliche’ emerge in sports? I’m not sure, it’s just where I hear it most often.

What I’ll hear from competitors is an indication of their mental toughness. 

I listen for how often they question themselves. 

  • “how did I do that?”
  • “what are you doing?”
  • “why am I out here today?”
  • “What are YOU DOING!?” 

All Questions! 

Mental toughness doesn’t ask questions.

Do you question your Mental Toughness? 

Because I don’t hear an athlete that is playing well, ask themselves questions such as, “how are you playing so well?”  “How are you so awesome?!” 

Questions during competition emerge after mistakes and they make sense, but they are rhetorical, and they aren’t answered. 

All they do is lead to more questions or merely go unanswered.

If you want to become more mentally strong then do this instead!

Don’t question your mental toughness!

Questions don’t lead to many positive adjustments, just more questions. Things will go bad, and we aren’t going to always play our best, so we will need to make adjustments. 

So, we need to give ourselves instructions about what to do NEXT.

Try statements instead.

We are either listening to ourselves or telling ourselves.

  • “Okay, next play,”
  • “wow, that wasn’t the best,”
  • “stay aggressive,”
  • “find a way.” 

These statements can even be motivational, but I’ve found that the best make slight instructional adjustments.  

You don’t need to question your mental toughness! Or question your ability or skills. You just need to develop a habit of telling yourself what to do next!

Confidence is king, but Focus is queen!

 

 

dr rob bell speakerDr. Rob Bell is a Sport Psychology Coach. DRB & associates coach executives and professional athletes. Some clients have included three different winners on the PGA Tour, Indy Eleven, University of Notre Dame, Marriott, and Walgreens. 

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(VIDEO) The art of the follow-through…

James Altucher’s podcast and book stated the three types of business that SELL themselves. If you can help others out with one of these three issues, you’ll be rich.

We need mental toughness in order to achieve our goals, and my fun 4-minute talk was given on the mental skill needed to accomplish one of these…

Check out the awesome SPARKS Talks here…

 

Dr. Rob Bell is a Sport Psychology Coach. His company DRB & associates is based in Indianapolis.  Some clients have included: University of Notre Dame, Marriott, and Walgreens. Check out the most recent books on Mental Toughness- 

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Sport Parents: The Ultimate Critic

everyone gets a mental toughness trophyAs a parent of an athlete, there is really only one responsibility, support your son or daughter. Problem is many parents get the tonic of support mixed up with liquor of critiquing the game or practice. Tonic is fine, Liquor, never sicker…I wonder do kids lose the passion for sports or do their parents kill that passion with all the expectations, criticisms, and post-game rants?

I watch it after every game. Parents come over and immediately start talking about how they could have done this better, should have made this play, or performed a certain skill. I have made a conscious effort after each performance to do two things with my own kids.

1. Compliment their effort and tell them I love watching them play.

Believe me it is not always easy, but after having a conversation with my daughter, I will continue to stick to two things post-game. After listening and I watched a couple families do their thing after the game was over and tell their kid about not fouling, how to pass, when to dribble, proper shooting technique, moving their feet faster on defense, etc. I thought, holy crap, this is their first real game of basketball EVER! One parent went so far as to take his daughter out on the court and give her a lesson in boxing out the opponent to get the rebound.

2. ASK your child on how they want to be coached: 

I asked my daughter if she liked it when I have critiqued her play in the past. Again, she said, “No.” It felt like a fist to my face!

So, I changed… I merely referred to a couple of loose balls she dove for on the ground and how she hustled up and down the court each time on defense.  I never once talked about something she could have done better. I will leave that up to the coaches. I did tell her if she ever wants my opinion about anything I will give it to her, but she has to ask. When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.

dr rob bell mental toughness article. Coach Justin Dehmer holds Back-to-Back-to-Back State Championships and 3x Coach of the Year 2010, 2011, 2012. National Record 87 Game Winning Streak in 2011 ended in 2012 at 88. Contact www.1PitchWarrior.com   Twitter @1PitchWarrior  coachd@1pitchwarrior.com

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dominate that fear

5 ways to dominate that FEAR!

dominate that fear

5 Ways to Dominate that FEAR

Fear takes us further than we want to go and keeps us longer than we want to stay.

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Fear takes us further than we want to go and keeps us longer than we want to stay.

Fears underline almost all emotions, disappointment, sadness, motivation, anger, even getting angry. Because it dominates our lives, this list is 5 ways to kill that FEAR.

It was the impetus to produce my film & eBook NO FEAR: A Simple Guide to Mental Toughness.

1) KNOW THE SOURCE- 

If we can’t identify where the fright is coming from or what it is about, how can we possibly begin to challenge it? One way or another, our fears stem from the belief that “it” won’t work out how I want it to.

Romans 8:1 states, there is no condemnation to those in Christ Jesus. If you believe in that verse, then any thoughts of fear, self-ridicule, or not being good enough are certainly not from God, the source is coming from someplace else.

Hint: it’s not ourselves

2) IT FOCUSES ON THE FUTURE OR THE PAST- 

Think of it as a person, not an emotion.

He will try to show us why we should be afraid! That individual will direct our attention to the outcome, the result, and something out of our control. Fears want us to become obsessed with some event or person in the future, a year, a month, even a day. It also wants us to look backward not at our successes, but our shortcomings and our failures.  Fear loses its grip when we stay in the now.

It’s one way that we dominate that fear!

3) THERE IS ALWAYS SOME TRUTH TO IT- 

Fear is not all or nothing. Yes, your son or daughter may get injured, not play DI in college, or get in an accident. Yes, we may fail. 

If we take a game-winning shot and miss, it will hurt. If we attempt a change in our business, we may get stuck! All truths. But fears do not stop there.

It keeps going and going; fear catastrophizes.

It takes us down a road of imagining the worst-case scenario. Imagining that if we try and fail, not ONLY will it suck, but also my friends will think I am a failure and I will lose my job.

We can dominate that fear by ranking it from 1-10, if it’s higher than a 6, go to the next step. 

4) SHARE THE FEAR- 

We keep our biggest fears to ourselves and when we do that, fear can grow legs.

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We keep our biggest fears to ourselves and when we do that, it can grow legs.

Most people share with their friends, hairdressers, or bartenders so why not share fears with them? They aren’t experts and won’t be able to provide quality solutions,

but a problem shared becomes half a problem.

The 4th way we dominate that fear is to say it aloud! Once we verbalize aloud and can hear our own voice, the fears actually diminish instantly. Try it!

5) PRAY, AND IF THAT DOESN’T WORK, PRAY AGAIN –

Mental toughness is not about doing it alone, it is about surrendering to the things out of our control. Having worked with many successful high achievers, I am convinced the biggest worry is simply not being good enough.

The expectations and pressure to succeed often become overwhelming and even if it is good enough, it doesn’t last for very long.

The fear returns, knocking on our door, saying, “remember me?” When we let go of the it, it let’s go of us…

For more in-depth strategies on dominating that fear, check out my film & eBook. NO FEAR: A Simple Guide to Mental Toughness.

 

dr rob bell speakerDr. Rob Bell is a Sport Psychology Coach. DRB & associates coach executives and professional athletes. Some clients have included three different winners on the PGA Tour, Indy Eleven, University of Notre Dame, Marriott, and Walgreens. 

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10 ways to forget about the outcome

forget about the outcome

Henry Rollins photo by NNDB.com

10 ways to forget about the outcome

It is what is. It’s only uttered by people who experienced a setback or are just miserable. I’ve never heard it by someone holding up a trophy. Although, my goal is to have an athlete hold up a trophy and is so consumed by the process that they say, “hey, it is what it is.”  

A focus on winning doesn’t lead to winning, a focus on the process does.

However, our thoughts are often directed on the result and the outcome. When we do this, we welcome the ugly guest of FEAR into our game. 

Here are 10 ways to forget about the outcome.

1) Talk to a teammate or competitor- Get outside of our own head, we are behind enemy lines. Andrew Luck actually congratulates guys who sack him! 

2) TELL yourself what you’re going to do next!- Don’t ask yourself questions in competition, it only brings forth doubt. Instead, TELL yourself what you are going to do. We call this the “thinking out loud technique. It helps you to forget about the outcome by focusing so much on the process! 

3) Make the picture big- When I focus on going on vacation or that dinner date next week, I get happy.  One of my players loved eating so much, he would talk about where we were going afterward. Make the picture even bigger, we must know that it all works out because it has so far.

4) Make the picture small again- Focus just on making one play, the next one! Just THIS PLAY! 

5) Breathe- Take one deep breath and look for the opportunity. 

6) Rock, Paper, Scissors- If you’ve got a sport with some downtime, play a quick game! It reduces tension. check it out here…

7) Repeat your mantra- Hopefully, you have one… what refocuses you?

8) Think about your family- I get happy when I think about mine, but it also kicks in the drive.

9) Think about your behind– Not your butt, you know, your past successes. If all we had were good memories, how would you play? 

10) Act as if- Before I take the stage or work with a team, I act as if I am Henry Rollins or Bobby Jones. If we focus on how someone better than me would act it helps us forget about the outcome. 

 

dr rob bell speakerDr. Rob Bell is a Sport Psychology Coach. DRB & associates coach executives and professional athletes. Some clients have included three different winners on the PGA Tour, Indy Eleven, University of Notre Dame, Marriott, and Walgreens. 

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