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Dr. Rob Bell true success is


True success is doing this skill


Duke basketball fans have one of the most indelible student sections in all of sports: The Cameron Crazies.

They epitomize passion, organization, and wittiness. They camp out in Krzyzewskiville for three months prior to games, they hand out cheat sheets for the student cheers and were the ones that coined the now famous “air-ball” chant.

So, Can you imagine that the Cameron crazies once actually cheered for an opposing player?

During one game in 1995, Joe Smith of the Maryland Terrapins was unstoppable. He scored 40 points, had 18 rebounds, and had a tip-in basket as time expired to beat Duke, 94-92.

At the end of the game, after they lost, they truly applauded Joe Smith!

True success is being able to root for everyone.

However, we too often feel threatened by others having success, because somehow it means that we can’t be successful too.

Inter-team conflicts are based on the belief that success is limited. Therefore, we operate on the actions that not only do I need to be the best that I can be, but remove any obstacle in that path, including anyone vying for my position or record.

We perpetuate this notion and create a culture of it.

Whenever we call out someone, put down a coach, or another company, we are doing so based out of fear. I hate it when I notice that I’m rooting against someone or envious of other’s success. It’s just based out of a fear that I won’t reach my own goals. I’m aware of it, but it still happens from time to time. 

When we root for others, it means that we are confident. It shows that we are secure enough to actually wish the best for others. That’s what true success is!

When I post this philosophy online, I’ll get questions like ‘even the Yankees?” No way, success is not rooting for the Yankees. 🙂

No, It doesn’t mean that we have to cheer or root for our direct competition. It just means that we should look for opportunities to cooperate, cross-promote, and learn from each other.

True success is rooting for everyone which also means wanting to beat people at their best!  I hate it when people make excuses for losing because it tries to take away the winners success. We should want them to play well, but just for us to perform a little bit better. It doesn’t take away from our own drive or hating to lose.

We actually need others to succeed so we know what we have to do in order to improve.

A funny thing happens when others around us have success. It cements the belief in ourselves that it is possible to reach the next level. If everyone around us was mediocre, what models do we have to get better?

We need coaches to teach us, Co-workers to support us, and opponents to test us. That’s why no one gets there alone. 


 


dr rob bell speakerDr. Rob Bell is a Sport Psychology Coach. His company DRB & associates coach executives and professional athletes and is based in Indianapolis. Some clients have included three winners on the PGA Tour, Indy Eleven, University of Notre Dame, Marriott, and Walgreens. 

Please Check out all the books and the mental toughness podcast - 15 Minutes of Mental Toughness as we interview expert athletes and coaches about Mental Strength and their Hinge Moment. New blog posts are published weekly. 

Check out the film & e-book, NO FEAR: A simple guide to mental toughness . 

This 3 minute video explains the one thing that we can never do when it comes to our mental toughness…

This skill is the basis of all other psychological skills. 

Click on Picture to watch…

basis of all mental toughness

 

Rob Bell revised slide3Dr. Rob Bell is a Sport Psychology coach. DRB & Associates based in Indianapolis works with professional athletes & corporate athletes, coaches, and teams building their Mental Toughness.  His book is titled The Hinge: The Importance of Mental Toughness. Follow on twitter @drrobbell  or contact drrobbell@drrobbell.com

Check out the new film & e-book, NO FEAR: A simple guide to mental toughness .

 

AP Photo/Gareth Fuller,

AP Photo/Gareth Fuller,

Check out the INFOGRAPHIC- 5 ways to help your kid Build Mental Toughness

“Perfect little Rachel ” That’s how her parents described and introduced their child, a high-school 2nd baseman. That’s pretty high expectations, and I was curious how long they had been calling her that. She was not mentally tough and it had little to do with her.

1. Call them a competitor:

How do you introduce and describe your kids? “There goes our little winner” or “Here comes Johnny, our star goalie.” Be careful about using descriptors that emphasize only part of our identity. We are not always winners, and we certainly don’t always lose. We are also only an athlete at certain times as well. BUT, we can compete in everything we do. We can compete in grades, paying attention, and playing sports. Emphasize that competing means against yourself, not anyone else.

2. Love your partner:

It’s easier for me to be a good father than a good husband. I don’t like that part of me, but I can just love on my kids as much as I want. With my wife, I have listen, reflect, emphasize, budget, discipline, strategize, and co-parent. It’s part of being in a relationship, it takes more work. However, the most important relationships take place within the four walls of our home. How we interact, show affection, and disagree with our partner, models how our kids will see the outside world. Remember, whatever they see as a child is “normal,”  you get to define it.

3. Allow them to take ownership:

There is a big difference between ownership and buy-in. Buy-in means its someone else’s idea. Ownership is more powerful. If competitiors take ownership of their game, they will then assume ownership within the team.  Before each season, define your role and ask them what feedback they want from you…Allow them to pack their own bags, schedule their additional practice and free-time. Basically after the initial conversation, don’t intervene unless their safety or health is concerned.

4. Don’t call, email, or text:

I had an awful bachelor party. I even told my wife how disappointing it was, (it was even in Vegas). She actually emailed the guys in my party after the fact. Ouch, I was embarrassed. She fought my own battle…Kids develop mental toughness by overcoming the adversity they face. They need to be able to communicate with coach and other players, but if we don’t allow them to use their own voice, then they won’t face their fear and fear wins. Most coach-athlete problems are a result of a lack of communication anyway.

5. Don’t talk about other players, coach, or refs:  

Sports is about winning, but it is also about losing and getting better. Losing sucks, but it isn’t fatal. We help build mental toughness by allowing them to experience the setbacks and the adversity. If we try to remove their ownership by blaming anything else other than their play, then we have actually given them an out, an excuse. If there’s an out, they will use it and learn to use it. Bad calls, bad plays, and poor execution happen, but what’s the lesson when we blame, it wasn’t you, it was something else? Well, when they win, it has to be something else as well, can’t have it both ways.

My great uncle plays cards all the time, he says it in jest, “when I win, it’s a game of skill, if I lose, it’s a game of luck.”

Dr. Rob Bell is a Sport Psychology Coach. His company DRB & associates is based in Indianapolis.  Some clients have included: University of Notre Dame, Marriott, and Walgreens. Check out the most recent book on Mental Toughness- Don’t Should on Your Kid: Build Their Mental Toughness   

Screen Shot 2015-01-29 at 3.11.31 PMWe are having our annual SuperBowl party and sure enough I get a few online responses of Maybe. So, maybe eight (8) more people are coming to the party OR maybe not!

Am I rejected for a better party, or what? Either scenario I play out sounds downright negative. Maybe sounds more like NO, but it isn’t.  Maybe is cousins to I’ll think it over and let me get back to you. 

The answer is worst than NO. 

No is like a tearing off a bandaid, it stings, but we get over to it.

At an 8th grade dance, I finally got up enough nerve to ask this girl to dance. It was one of those, “I have the biggest crush on this girl” type of thing, so I devised the great plan to ask the girl at the dance! No pressure, no diamond.

I had heard up to that point in my life the cliché’ of “what’s the worst she could say?” “NO.” Now, NO would be painful and the fear of hearing that rejection is what caused all of the anxiety and stress. But I hadn’t even contemplated her response of  “Oh wow, Let me get back to you.” 

Maybe freezes us and places us in purgatory. I limped back to my side of the gym completely stuck. I wasn’t prepared for a maybe. At first I was actually excited, she didn’t reply “no,”  but, the excitement soon turned into detest.

Did she really mean maybe, or did she actually mean no? My only recourse was to ask someone else, but how could I, because she said, MAYBE.  She rejected me with a maybe and I learned early on that No isn’t the worst answer and I wouldn’t accept maybe’s or think it over’s any longer, until Evites over our Super Bowl party.

Don’t be the person who gives the answer of Maybe and certainly don’t accept the answer of Maybe.

Dr. Rob Bell is a Sport Psychology Coach. His company DRB & associates is based in Indianapolis.  Some clients have included: University of Notre Dame, Marriott, and Walgreens. Check out the most recent book on Mental Toughness- Don’t Should on Your Kid: Build Their Mental Toughness   

WKUDuring the bowl season, there was the greatest single football play ever that sealed an incredible comeback. Except the comeback victory didn’t happen.

In another college football bowl game, there was also a dramatic comeback that did result in a victory. The difference was that The Hinge connected for one and it didn’t for another and there was a reason why.

Game 1: Bahamas Bowl: Central Michigan vs. Western Kentucky

Read this insight from James Jimenez The greatest comeback that never happened

WKU was leading 49-14 in the fourth quarter. Central Michigan came back and was behind 49-42 with just one-second left. They then had the most remarkable pass play since The Play (see Cal vs. Stanford). From their own 20-yard line, and four laterals later, they scored a touchdown. The play made the score 49-48. It was a Hinge moment!

Coach Enos decided to go for a two-point conversion to win the game and an incomplete pass later the game was over. They lost.

Wait, what? The Hinge connects; it was supposed to provide Central Michigan with the win. What happened? Coach Dan Enos said he originally planned to kick the extra point. Someone yelled to go for it and he changed his mind, he called the extra point team back off of the field and went for the win.

Coach Enos didn’t trust his gut.

Game 2: Armed Forces Bowl: Pittsburgh vs. Houston

Pitt was leading 31-6 in the fourth quarter. University of Houston was still behind 34-20 and then proceeded to get not only 1, but also 2 successful onside kicks. A Hinge moment! Houston scored on a 25-yard touchdown play to trail 34-33 with just 59 seconds remaining. Coach Gibbs went for a two-point conversion and they scored to take the lead and win the game 35-34. It became the largest 4th quarter comeback in Bowl history.

Coach Gibbs said, “We made a decision the 1st day of practice that if it came down to the end of the game, we were going for two, no matter what,” Gibbs said. “There was no decision. They knew three weeks ago.” Thus, coach Gibbs had prepared for the exact moment that occurred.

Why did Houston comeback and Central Michigan did not? Coach Gibbs trusted his gut, and when we trust our gut, the hinge connects. What we need to learn from this is that each of us needs to trust our gut, our intuition.

Our gut is our in-born GPS that we all have. We must trust it, it is extremely difficult, but it is also necessary for The Hinge to connect. We have no idea when our Hinge moment will occur, but we must prepare for it.

Dr. Rob Bell is a Sport Psychology Coach. His company DRB & associates is based in Indianapolis.  Some clients have included: University of Notre Dame, Marriott, and Walgreens. Check out the most recent book on Mental Toughness- Don’t Should on Your Kid: Build Their Mental Toughness   

NO FEAR
I have a brand new project coming out. It is an 18-minute film and E-book titled: NO FEAR: A simple guide to mental toughness. You can sign-up for the pre-release here….

I was a University professor for 5 years and I would announce to every class on the first day, all that they had to do to graduate college. It was simple…Show up…every day. If they showed up every day, they would almost guarantee themselves a grade of a C, even if they did nothing else. Now, just graduating with a C average probably wasn’t the goal for most, but the point is valid.

Never miss a class… If they are present everyday, then they are taking certain steps to ensure they learn. They force themselves to act as if. They act as a person who graduates does. That’s it. And in doing so, they also ignite specific beliefs. They take ownership and responsibility and as a result of showing up every day, they develop habits.

First we form habits, and then they form us.

Once habits are formed, then beliefs are shaped and we start to conform to our beliefs. The beliefs don’t have to even be deep rooted or existential questions, like does God exist? The beliefs merely form our reason for doing what we do. It becomes our “why.”

When we develop our why, we can come up with any how.

Wait, doesn’t that go contrary to acting as if, and shouldn’t we come up with a vision statement before moving forward?

Neither mental skill is mutually exclusive. Our actions and beliefs work hand in hand. You can’t act as if without having some kindle of a why, a justification, and a belief. Just as once you really discover your why, your purpose, and no longer act as if.

So, when we show up every day, we are in place to get better. We can’t help to learn something and improve in some small way, every day.

When I get in debates about unbreakable baseball records, the one’s that will never fall are those that demonstrated and rewarded perseverance & longevity. One of these records was Cal Ripken, The Ironman. He played seventeen consecutive seasons without missing one single game. He played in 2,632 consecutive games. When Derek Jeter asked Cal Ripken the secret of playing every day, Cal replied, “ You know Derek, I Just…I just play.”

There is no secret….

Now, how many times do you think Cal Ripken was battling a slump, injured, was sick, or had an off the field issue? None of it deterred him from just showing up. What I knew is that when I went to watch the Orioles, Cal Ripken would be playing. #NEVERGIVEUP

Click here to subscribe to my Friday Mental Toughness newsletter…

The Hinge-The Importance of Mental Toughness Dr. Rob BellDr. Rob Bell is a Sport Psychology coach. DRB & Associates based in Indianapolis works with professional athletes & corporate athletes, coaches, and teams building their Mental Toughness.  His 2nd book is titled The Hinge: The Importance of Mental Toughness. Follow on twitter @drrobbell  or contact drrobbell@drrobbell.com

Check out the new film & e-book, NO FEAR: A simple guide to mental toughness 

If you ever listen to a creaky door or gate, it’s not the door or gate at all. It’s the Hinge! So ,what happens when the Hinge becomes Rusty? Chances are that we got away from what got us here, our focus and confidence changed. The Hinge connected, but we let it get rusty…

Here is a 3-minute video on how to prevent the Hinge from getting Rusty! 

The Rusty Hinge

Click here to subscribe to my Friday Mental Toughness newsletter…

The Hinge-The Importance of Mental Toughness Dr. Rob BellDr. Rob Bell is a Sport Psychology coach. DRB & Associates based in Indianapolis works with professional athletes & corporate athletes, coaches, and teams building their Mental Toughness.  His 2nd book is titled The Hinge: The Importance of Mental Toughness. Follow on twitter @drrobbell  or contact drrobbell@drrobbell.com

Check out the new film & e-book, NO FEAR: A simple guide to mental toughness 

NO Fear:

When I left the university as a professor and I began my Sport Psychology company, I used to give tons of free talks. I have thankfully been able to stop this practice (although, I still get asked to provide free talks). I literally could speak to groups and teams every day of the week if it was free….

One talk I would give was titled: NO FEAR and I told my wife and business partner that I was retiring the talk. “I want people to understand and capture their HINGE moment!” No sooner had I spoken those words, that a dear friend wanted me to speak to his men’s group. Okay, LAST TIME!

Maybe it was the emotion of the men or the atmosphere of the room, but several, okay three, said that they loved it and I should write a book and make a video about the talk….my reply   Yeah, no thanks. Here is my 2nd book called The Hinge, check this out.” However, one of the guys stayed on it and hence, the next project…

NO FEAR: A SIMPLE GUIDE TO MENTAL TOUGHNESS. 

-Shooting NO Fear

This project will consist of an 18-minute film based on the skills needed for mental toughness. NO FEAR- is an acronym and each letter represents a specific mental skill. Simple, but not easy. More importantly, these are the skills needed to capture our Hinge moment!! Accompanying the film will be an e-book designed for you or your team to not only work on your game, but also yourself!

Dr. Rob Bell is a Sport Psychology Coach. His company DRB & associates is based in Indianapolis.  Some clients have included: University of Notre Dame, Marriott, and Walgreens. Check out the most recent book on Mental Toughness- Don’t Should on Your Kid: Build Their Mental Toughness   

most difficult mental skill


The 2nd most difficult mental skill is also the 2nd most important.


Can you do it on your own, or is it best with the help of coaches? It’s the biggest issue I’ve seen with competitors today.  The hierarchy of mental toughness is simple.

But, at the top of the pyramid is the ability to re-focus, let go of mistakes, and move on. This is the important psychological skill because if you show me someone whop can let go of mistakes, I’ll show you somebody who is CONFIDENT! 

 


 

 


dr rob bell speakerDr. Rob Bell is a Sport Psychology Coach. His company DRB & associates coach executives and professional athletes and is based in Indianapolis. Some clients have included three winners on the PGA Tour, Indy Eleven, University of Notre Dame, Marriott, and Walgreens. 

Please Check out all the books and the mental toughness podcast - 15 Minutes of Mental Toughness as we interview expert athletes and coaches about Mental Strength and their Hinge Moment. New blog posts are published weekly. 

dr. rob bell Notre DameThe weekend was planned, Friday night, my family and I went to the Notre Dame football pep rally, visited the locker-room (touched the famous sign) and went on the field. Friday was incredible!

Saturday, we were going to the Notre Dame game versus North Carolina. All set! Now, my children are 6 & 4 years old, not exactly pre-game connoisseurs and we were staying on a lake about 30 minutes outside of South Bend. So we planned to arrive at 1:00 (game is at 3:30), watch the player walk, listen to the band & the trumpets play in the main hall, visit the grotto, etc.  All awesome traditions.

We parked, walked about 15 minutes and arrived in time to settle in & watch the player walk! I spy a guy selling tickets and then it hits me! I FORGOT THE TICKETS!

One rule I think in life, is that you don’t forget the tickets!!!! It’s basically the only thing you need to remember going to a game.

MY REACTION(S):

ANGER was my initial reaction, it always is when I mess up. I hate it. I frankly despise that part of me. But, it was my reaction, not my response!  My reaction is usually incorrect, because it is filled with emotion. Our response on the other hand is often correct.

BLAME was my 2nd knee-jerk reaction. I turned to my wife looking for someone to blame. I stopped this pretty quickly, because I knew it wasn’t her fault. Although I did mention earlier that she should be in charge of the tickets.

DECISION-MAKING time followed and quick. There was honestly no time to waste! Do we all walk 15 minutes back and then drive to get the tickets, or do the wife & kids stay? Very quickly, we decided. Let’s all go, stay together, we are a team.

STAY COMPOSED I thought.  Now, when one has kids, everything is magnified. Travel, messes, and especially stress levels. As a parent of two, the stress levels automatically increase a notch in general because there are just more things to take care of. At this moment, I was extremely aware of my kids! I must maintain composure because I do not want to model the behavior of losing it in front of them. I threw my son on my shoulders and tried to enjoy the walk back, while FUMING inside!

ANGER returned soon thereafter and this time it was directed inward. This emotion lasted much longer and manifested itself with my own verbal self-talk OUT LOUD! I (for some reason) needed to have this verbal boxing match out in the open and not just inside my own head. We are driving back and I am berating myself out loud (the kids have their headphones on watching a movie).

Here is a sample of some of the kind words I spoke: “You piece of shit”, “what is wrong with you”, “how could you be so stupid” “You call yourself a human being”? All top-notch affirmations!

After 10 minutes, I asked my wife, “Do you have anything to offer to this conversation I am having with myself?” She said, “what would you tell your athletes or coaches?”

I said  “Do the next right thing”, “Let it go”,”Re-focus”  and “rely on the fact that this happened for a reason”!  After that I was good, almost completley back emotionally. We arrived back to the stadium just in time to walk in and watch our 1st Notre Dame game. Now, I don’t know the reason why I forgot the tickets, maybe it prevented an accident? We will never know because “what-if” never happened. IMG_4360

What did I learn? 

It reinforced that we are human, we are going to make mistakes. It’s all how we respond to the situation and not how we react. People often fear the blame more than the actual mistakes as well! The situation and reaction all taught me more about myself and how I can grow as a person and as a coach. “That which hurts, instructs.” – Ben Franklin

Lastly & most importantly- What if it had been my wife who forgot the tickets? Would I have been able to extend grace and compassion onto her, or would my anger have been directed outwardly? Coaching and loving on others requires grace, sometimes extra grace is required for ourselves.

Click here to subscribe to my Friday Mental Toughness newsletter…

Dr. Rob Bell is a Sport Psychology Coach. His company DRB & associates is based in Indianapolis.  Some clients have included: University of Notre Dame, Marriott, and Walgreens. Check out the most recent book on Mental Toughness- Don’t Should on Your Kid: Build Their Mental Toughness