hate the secret to mental toughness

The Secret to Mental Toughness

I loved Wayne Dyer. He was a phenomenal thinker, author, and helped so many people. However, I disagree with him on one belief that many of us were told. The thought was that you can’t pour from an empty cup. Or that you can’t give away what you don’t possess. 

I get it, if we have oranges then we can’t give away apples. And we need to practice self-care and be okay with ourselves. 

However, I believe that the way we actual improve ourselves and build our own mental wellness is to be able to focus on others! So, here it is (And why I HATE it).

We are as only as sick as our secrets.

We cannot help other people WITHOUT also helping ourselves! If I tell my daughter that she can NEVER give up, that same exact voice echoes in my head when I’ll want to quit or stop.

If we want to KEEP our mental toughness, we HAVE to give it away.

That’s the secret to mental toughness! You have to give it away in order to keep it. 

When we communicate with someone else not to let a situation bother him or her, then we help ourselves by not allowing our own junk to bother us. 

Even when we are going through a tough period in life, if we do not isolate, but connect with others, then a better us starts to make a better you. 

If we help enough people reach their goals; then we will reach ours.

It’s not Mental Toughness when things are going great!

I HATE the secret because I KNOW THE ANSWER, but knowing and doing are two different things. And I can’t stand being reminded of the answer!

I HATE the secret to Mental Toughness because when I am NOT confident, I isolate. I don’t want to share or even be around people! I certainly don’t share with others during my own struggle time how they can be confident. I feel like a hypocrite and feel that I am of NO use to anyone else and that my experience is questionable at best. 

Why would I want to bring other people down with my junk anyway?  But, if I stay in that negative space, the more I need others! We can’t coach ourselves…

The secret to Mental Toughness is not a secondary goal or a deal with ourselves, meaning if things are going well, then I will be tough.

It has to be the sole focus. Before any endeavor, we need to be intentional about becoming other-person focused and when we give it away, we get it in return! That’s how it’s built. 

I’m in life for the miracles and there are around us everyday.

The miracle for us is that we can be transformed. Allowing God to help us focus on others and to use our strengths. To give away what we want to possess in ourselves. That is the secret to mental toughness.


dr rob bell speakerDr. Rob Bell is a Sport Psychology Coach. DRB & associates coach executives and professional athletes. Some clients have included three different winners on the PGA Tour, Indy Eleven, University of Notre Dame, Marriott, and Walgreens. 

(Excerpt from book- NO ONE Gets There ALONE)